Christmas Letter, 2012

Dear Family and Friends:

Christmas came to us at Thanksgiving with the arrival of precious family, and the anticipation of our whole family together in December. A fitting ending to an indescribable year. Nevertheless, as I think of you, I want to try to describe it.

After my diagnosis in March (severe aortic stenosis—surgery too risky) I was in unentered territory, surrounded by support, but in another sense alone. Knowing that, I was drawn to the story of Jacob, alone in a very real wilderness, and also in an inner desert of his own making. Waking from a dream of a ladder and angels, he said, “The Lord God stood beside me and said, ‘I will be with you constantly until I have given you everything I’ve promised'”. Then he added in amazement, “This is none other than the House of God! This is the Gate of Heaven!” Genesis 28. These words describe what this year has been, and they fill me with wonder and gratitude.

The loving support of Melodie and Rick and Emily is with me on a daily basis. Church family, friends, Hospice chaplain and nurse are often here too. Beyond that son Rick has come 3 times from Seattle, Lila came 3 times from Arizona, and Dick 3 times from Florida, each blessing us beyond words. And my precious grandchildren have all come! Their visits were part of 26 visits from loved ones from 6 states and Canada! Each one bringing blessings and sharing with me the Joy of being at the “Gate of Heaven”!

What I am LEARNING in this “last chapter”, at least in part, is:

To FOCUS on what I can do. It’s a long list. I can sing. I can love and connect with people, cook simple meals (freely supplemented by Melodie and sometimes by guests). I can think pretty clearly, and see, and hear and feel and yes, learn and so much more.

To REST at sunrise every day. Precious hours of absorbing beauty of a painted sky over blue mountains out my big east window. Quietness and Peace! RESTING in the presence of the Son! An answer to prayer: “Satisfy us each morning with Your unfailing love so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives.” Psalm 90:14

For Mothers’ Day Emmy gave me a book of ten poems on the subject of Grandma. Many tears later (because of joy over her writing gift and also the beautiful things she said), it came to me, “It’s already been done!” No more rushing around, hurrying to leave a legacy! Finally I’m getting it that legacies are made up of time and love and listening and living. That’s it! And I am actually learning to REST from my labors. I’m tired. It’s okay to REST. Thank You, Lord.

To PRAY in new ways. No longer to bombard God with what I have figured out needs to be done. To pray simply, “Please take this day and do with it and with me what You want.” Imagine! Laying aside my endless planning and organizing. What happens when I do that is “exceedingly abundantly above all” I can ask, produce or even think! Those aren’t just words, it really happens. So many stories to tell, but I will spare you an even longer letter.

Lately I’ve started PRAYING in hymns for family, friends and for the suffering world. It lifts my heart and I believe reaches God’s throne in the language of Heaven. I re-write old hymns as I sing because I choose to sing TO God and not ABOUT God. I love to sing
adding the names of my children, grandchildren, extended family and others. “Oh Shepherd Divine, my _______is yours. Your search in the night is for her/him. This bleak world is cold, but warm is Your fold. Dear Shepherd, may she/he follow you.” Old songs shine with new meaning as I PRAY them for those I love. And when I sing I am totally involved, and awake—no more nodding off!

To GRIEVE. O yes, that too. This house is full of living and loving. But I am also letting go and at some poing, leaving. It’s easier to help others grieve than to do it myself. Still sobs come, often unbidden, but real and releasing and good. “Blessed are those who mourn.” Truly, I am “comforted”.

To RECEIVE. Many, many are suffering, often worse in their last days. And I sometimes struggle with feeling guilty. Why should I have it so easy? I surely don’t deserve it, and it’s not fair. But then, I remember, this world is not as God created it, and for now nothing is really “fair”. Besides that, all is about Grace, which we can never deserve. So I reach out to RECEIVE what God keeps giving, and in little ways, now and then, I try to share it.

A dying friend once said to me, “Linda, I believe heaven is real. But what is there for now?” I don’t know what I said then, but now I’d say: In the wildernesses of life, of whatever sort it is, there is a “ladder” where Jesus and His angels come down to where we are. Quietly, tenderly they come, whether we can feel or see them at the moment or not, they are there. They’re here. “Unfailing love enfolds those who trust in Him.” Psalm 32:10. I’m finding it’s more than enough. It’s JOY!

I’m thinking that all that’s beautiful and sacred about Christmas will be amplified in Heaven. (Minus all the distortions and counterfeits). With all my heart I want to be there with you.

Loving you,
Linda